I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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