I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I did not marry a roomba.
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