thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
