We won't sleep together?
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
