I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
