she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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