It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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