There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
