Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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