listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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