Soap is not a condiment
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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