onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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