I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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