Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
