physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
