I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
