OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
