My room smells like vodka and shame
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
