you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
