I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
