please come you make the beer taste better
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
