wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Welp...herpes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
