so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
