You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
