it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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