I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
