Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
