so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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