So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
