we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
