Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
