he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
