either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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