Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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