he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
