i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
