You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
