It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
