Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
