OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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