Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
