I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
