Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
