Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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