we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
