I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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