I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
