You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
