u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
