based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
