Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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