Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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